We live in a society. What this means is that we have to “deal” with humans. With some – only a few hours, with some – for a few months, with some – a few years, but with some – a lifetime. Whatever the time frame of the relation in ‘dealing’, there are certain key aspects to it – depending on the purpose. However, one that seems to be common across, irrespective of purpose, is understanding expectations. Sometimes with some people, these expectations are implicit and some other times with some other people, these expectations are explicit. The key is to know when and for whom you want to spend time to understand implicit expectations. The second key aspect is to what extend you want to satisfy the expectations – again, for whom and when. People call these by several terms – prioritizing, choice, sacrificing, trading off, optimizing – but whatever term you choose, it boils down to satisfying expectations in the relations – to what extent and for whom.
Sometimes, the question of ‘for whom’ and ‘to what extent’ is answered by oneself. Many a times, we are right, but there are times when you cannot decide. It is those times that require a support group – a peer group, a friend, a mentor etc. The importance of such a support group was something that I realized very much in 2024. I must say I have been fortunate to have such a support group – and I am grateful to all of them.
It has also been a year of learning in terms of oppression – particularly against women in our society. They are victims of centuries of oppression and it takes enormous effort to break out of the conundrum – for men – to realize the oppression, and for women – to make men realize it.
Professionally, there have been circumstances where I just had to stand witnessing helplessly when women are social victims to oppression – the heart wrenching is even more as this happens in the educational realm.
2024 has also been a year of learning about myself – self-discovery of sorts – in the context of my current leadership position. I have been natural at creating platforms or “communities” for integrating people/intellect – beginning with ‘Science Arattai’, the teaching-learning newsletter, the bioinformatics center. I have always believed that coming together is a great thing – but seldom did I realize that creating the platform to come together is an essential quality at a leadership level. Thinking further, it is not something that I have done after starting my profession, but right from student days. Be it the departmental yahoo groups created at my UG college, or, the yahoo groups for my own UG classmates, and later, as a graduate student – in setting up the Journal Club at ChBE, NUS. With the advent of WhatsApp and google groups – many of these communities are now virtual in nature. Very quirkily, these kinds of initiatives have never been in the personal front – something that I must think about.
This also gives me an insight that life is not all about utilitarian-driven purposes – it is about relations. Some relations – you are born into, some created. Whatever it is, life is beautiful when you maintain relations and the journey is all about learning to maintain it.
It is also worthwhile to remember the quote from the drama series Emily in Paris – “You live to work; we work to live”. I think this brings in a whole lot of clarity to those (me!) who have been told that work is God. Work is indeed God – but not to the extent that one loses to build relations and appreciate beauty in life.
As I officially and clearly graduate to the second half of my lifetime (assuming that the maximum life time is 80!) – I can now see myself less of pushing myself to be at the forefront, more of seeing my students grow and mature – professionally and personally, less of seeking external acknowledgement, more of preferring retreating to a quiet space and spending time with loved ones. Perhaps, this is why they say “Life starts at 40”!
Having officially graduated to the second half of my lifespan, if there is one “insight” or “advice” to give – it will be to take efforts to sustain your relations (with clauses on when and whom, of course!) and do not underestimate the importance of friendships all through your life – they mature over time. A trustworthy and non-judgemental friendship blosoms over time – and this includes with your life partner! Let’s celebrate life!!
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