Slow down, pause and reflect!

 Life is more than performance and delivery. Pause, reflect, and slow down your running to appreciate small things, enjoy the bounties of Nature, beauty of things around you (including human behavior!). Enjoy and cherish time with loved ones. There is nothing more rewarding than these! 

Constant seeking of external recognition, wearing a mask to belong to a group, forcing yourself to the level that you lose your self-confidence and self-esteem - are all NOT worth this life!! 

Just be YOU; savor every moment and create memories consciously!! 

Self-doubt

One might think that as one ages, self-doubt vanishes. How I wish that could be true!

The year of 2024 has seen me officially operating in the leadership category for one full year now. The journey has been one of self-discovery - including becoming aware of self-doubts and strategies to overcome it.

There was a brief and intense period of self-doubt during this year, particularly with respect to my leadership position. I have been fortunate to have mentors to help me out. The key help was to give assurance and point out three kinds of categories of people – those whose self-assessment and their
worthinessness match, those who estimate themselves more than their worthiness and those who estimate themselves less than their worthiness. . But what was interesting and useful was when my mentor pointed this to me and said that I fall into the last category and the anxiety that I might slip into the second category was enough to cripple. That, I think is the most insightful thing that I am keeping in my mind – helping me to sail through.

Cannot Not Do

I was aware of the idea that some people say that there are things that they cannot not do. It was not until this December 2024 that I realized that there are things that I cannot not do - it is so inherent that I seldom realized it. And this realization came in a discussion with a friend - both of us sitting in a Buddhist cave in Lonavla! Should I say, this is a Buddha-kind of revelation! :-D

The Teaching Learning Symposium at SASTRA

The first TLC symposium is happening at SASTRA today. It is a platform for sharing experience and ideas on teaching and learning in Higher Education. For long, some of us had wanted such a platform at SASTRA. Such a platform is important in any organisation that values teaching, I believe. Such platforms have the potential to catalyse large-scale changes in the way we educate children. I hope the platform at SASTRA evolves to be one such.

Unlike many other initiatives that have happened, I wouldn't, for once, deny my small but significant role, in creating this teaching learning atmosphere here. :-)

Below is something that I wrote/curated/summarized way back in 2009 and shared it with a few like-minded friends. Just sharing it in the open just to ensure it is digitally saved for eternity! :-)  

The Friendship Process

 

Friendship is a unique relation in everyone’s life. We keep developing friends all through out our life and cherish its memories for life time. As our social circles grow larger and larger, our dynamics and interaction with peers and colleagues change our perception of friendship and of life itself. The observation of this ‘evolution’ of perception within myself and with a few other friends motivated me to read on the ‘Friendship Process’ when I bumped into the book by Beverly Fehr on ‘Friendship process’. The book has rightly called Friendship a process, for, it is a step-wise growing relation, solidifying with time. This particular book interested me in its review which gave appreciation to how it has examined the process of friendship, the meaning it gives to our lives by documenting several research studies in a systematic way. Here, I summarize whatever message I grasped from this book. 

 

Functions of Friendship

 

We all have been benefitted a lot from our friendship, but when asked what we benefitted, I am sure most of us would not be able to answer it. Nevertheless, an objective mind (Solano 1986) has set out to define the functions of friendship as follows: 

 

1. Friends meet our material needs. They provide various kinds of help and support.
2. Friends meet our cognitive needs. They provide stimulation in the form of shared experiences, activities, and the lively exchange of gossip and ideas. They also provide a frame of reference through which we can interpret the world and find meaning in our experiences. 
3. Finally, friends meet our social-emotional needs through the provision of love and esteem. 

While it may look like just three short sentences to describe the functions of friendship, they are very profound and I am sure it can be related to a number of subjective experiences. 

 

The Evolution of the Concept of Friendship as the Child Grows

 

Our perceptions change with time and so does our concept of friendship! There cannot be an ideal definition for friendship for people of all ages. For example, in preschool, we would identify someone as a friend if 

1.     He/She plays with us. 

2.     Shares toys with us (prosocial behavior)

3.     Doesn’t hit us (absence of aggression)

 

When asked why a particular individual is a friend, we often relate to the person’s physical characteristics (e.g., she has wavy hair) or possessions (e.g., he has a nice bike). 

 

As we grow, (6- 7- year old), we start to less emphasize on physical characteristics or material property and emphasize more on relational features such as affection and support (helping, sharing). A more abstract concept of friendship develops as we grow even older which can be categorized into five features: support (e.g., sharing/helping), association (e.g., propinquity), intimacy, similarity (e.g., common activities), and affection. It is easy to note that there is a transition of the concept of friendship from concrete, observable characteristics to an abstract, qualitative conception of friendship. 

 

Adolescents: 

 

In adolescence, the concept of friendship expands to include two relational features that also become central: Loyalty (reflected in a friend’s willingness to ‘stick up for us’ and not ‘talk behind our back’) and intimacy, defined as sharing one’s innermost thoughts and feelings. Once these features emerge, the concept solidifies with few age-related changes thereafter!

 

Adults:

 

In adult friendship, trust, interpreted as keeping confidences and engaging in intimate self-disclosure, stands as the first defining quality of a friend. In addition, it has been observed that men nominate socializing features such as enjoying the friend’s company and going out with the friend. 

 

While it is not necessary that the above ARE the ways of evolution of the concept of friendship within us, I believe it is generally applicable. 

 

Conceptions of Ideal Friend

 

Researchers have also set out study on the conceptions of ‘ideal friend’. A research conducted in India by Basu and Mukhopadhyay (1986) on conceptions of ideal male and female friend held by young adults revealed the following: 

 

An ideal male friend: 

-  Would possess the qualities of understanding, honesty, loyalty, cooperation, reliability. (Characteristics such as noninterfering, prudent and having similar interests were seen as less important.)

An ideal female friend:

            Conceptions of men: An ideal female friend possessed virtually the same qualities that were valued highly in a male friend. 

            Conceptions of women: An ideal female friend possessed characteristics such as good-tempered, sacrificing, witty, and loyal. 

 

Actual and Ideal friendship

 

Though such concepts of ideal friendship exist, it has been found that in reality there is only a thin border between actual and ideal friendships. Both state the categories Reciprocity (reciprocating to a friend), similarity (in terms of shared experiences), compatibility and structural dimensions (proximity, duration of friendship) to define friendship. The only difference was that actual friendship ranked similarity first followed by reciprocity whereas ideal friendship ranked reciprocity followed by similarity. In my view, reciprocity is a very important factor in the development of friendship. But one must also understand that reciprocity comes only if there is a similarity and a myriad of factors fall into place for the friendship process to happen. This necessitates us to understand the factors that are key to the development of friendship. 

 

The Development of Friendship

 

A necessary first step for the development of most friendships is that two people’s path must cross. This is more likely to occur if the two people live near one another (e.g., same neighborbood, same building, same floor, same room) than if they do not or share a common workplace. Once two people meet, whether or not they decide to pursue a friendship depends on several additional factors. At the individual level, each scrutinizes the other for evidence of disliked qualities or other characteristics that may make him or her unsuitable as a friend. If these exclusion tests are passed, then inclusion tests will follow. It is likely that a friendship will be sought if each perceives the other as attractive, socially skilled, responsive, not shy, and if the two people are similar in a variety of ways. If both exclusion and inclusion tests are passed, one might think that a friendship would be inevitable. However, situational factors influence whether or not a friendship is actually formed. Research on these factors suggest that two people are more likely to develop a friendship or they anticipate ongoing interactions, if they are dependent on one another, if they see one another frequently, and if each person’s ‘friendship dance card’ still has some room on it. Finally, the likelihood of friendship formation depends on dyadic variables such as whether the two people like one another and whether there is an appropriate sequencing of the depth and breadth of self-disclosure. Given the myriad factors that must coalesce, it seems remarkable that people are able to form friendships at all! Nevertheless, there are friendships when we cannot relate how it actually happened, or cannot relate that friendship to many of the above factors! Typical examples include school friends whom we have known for years. 

 

In its growth, conflicts are very common in friendships. Especially when each friend has different profession, completely unknown to the other (incase of school/college friends) and when the friends are from different societies or brought-up. Friends have to strike a delicate balance between each person’s constantly changing needs for independence and dependence, intimacy and distance and so on. These dialectics may contribute, in part, to the relatively frequent experience of anger and conflict in friendship relationships. But all the more, a concrete relation builds when one understands

 

In my view, there is no better a place to understand and observe most of the above stated facts than a hostel! 

Looking back to look forward – 2024

 2024 has been a year of learning – personally and professionally. 

 

We live in a society. What this means is that we have to “deal” with humans. With some – only a few hours, with some – for a few months, with some – a few years, but with some – a lifetime. Whatever the time frame of the relation in ‘dealing’, there are certain key aspects to it – depending on the purpose. However, one that seems to be common across, irrespective of purpose, is understanding expectations. Sometimes with some people, these expectations are implicit and some other times with some other people, these expectations are explicit. The key is to know when and for whom you want to spend time to understand implicit expectations. The second key aspect is to what extend you want to satisfy the expectations – again, for whom and when. People call these by several terms – prioritizing, choice, sacrificing, trading off, optimizing – but whatever term you choose, it boils down to satisfying expectations in the relations – to what extent and for whom. 

 

Sometimes, the question of ‘for whom’ and ‘to what extent’ is answered by oneself. Many a times, we are right, but there are times when you cannot decide. It is those times that require a support group – a peer group, a friend, a mentor etc. The importance of such a support group was something that I realized very much in 2024. I must say I have been fortunate to have such a support group – and I am grateful to all of them. 

 

It has also been a year of learning in terms of oppression – particularly against women in our society. They are victims of centuries of oppression and it takes enormous effort to break out of the conundrum – for men – to realize the oppression, and for women – to make men realize it. 

 

Professionally, there have been circumstances where I just had to stand witnessing helplessly when women are social victims to oppression – the heart wrenching is even more as this happens in the educational realm. 

 

2024 has also been a year of learning about myself – self-discovery of sorts – in the context of my current leadership position. I have been natural at creating platforms or “communities” for integrating people/intellect – beginning with ‘Science Arattai’, the teaching-learning newsletter, the bioinformatics center. I have always believed that coming together is a great thing – but seldom did I realize that creating the platform to come together is an essential quality at a leadership level. Thinking further, it is not something that I have done after starting my profession, but right from student days. Be it the departmental yahoo groups created at my UG college, or, the yahoo groups for my own UG classmates, and later, as a graduate student – in setting up the Journal Club at ChBE, NUS. With the advent of WhatsApp and google groups – many of these communities are now virtual in nature. Very quirkily, these kinds of initiatives have never been in the personal front – something that I must think about. 

 

This also gives me an insight that life is not all about utilitarian-driven purposes – it is about relations. Some relations – you are born into, some created. Whatever it is, life is beautiful when you maintain relations and the journey is all about learning to maintain it. 

 

It is also worthwhile to remember the quote from the drama series Emily in Paris – “You live to work; we work to live”. I think this brings in a whole lot of clarity to those (me!) who have been told that work is God. Work is indeed God – but not to the extent that one loses to build relations and appreciate beauty in life. 

 

As I officially and clearly graduate to the second half of my lifetime (assuming that the maximum life time is 80!) – I can now see myself less of pushing myself to be at the forefront, more of seeing my students grow and mature – professionally and personally, less of seeking external acknowledgement, more of preferring retreating to a quiet space and spending time with loved ones. Perhaps, this is why they say “Life starts at 40”!  

 

Having officially graduated to the second half of my lifespan, if there is one “insight” or “advice” to give – it will be to take efforts to sustain your relations (with clauses on when and whom, of course!) and do not underestimate the importance of friendships all through your life – they mature over time. A trustworthy and non-judgemental friendship blosoms over time – and this includes with your life partner! Let’s celebrate life!! 

Why not - Engineering or Science?

 

A senior colleague of mine brought my attention to an advertisement with the tagline "Why not?" by a company called Atomberg. Indeed a wonderful advertisement! But the discussion point was that Engineers and Innovators ask the question "Why not?" whereas scientists ask "why?". It is not true that Scientists do not ask "why not". In fact, only because scientists ask "Why not have the eyes in the back of the head? Why not have an ellipsoid soap bubble?", they have found answers to why the eyes are in the front of the head and soap bubbles are spherical in shape. The question "why not" plays an important role in science and engineering - and our pursuits in knowledge, in general. The only difference I see between science and engineering pursuits is that focus - Science's main preoccupation is that of understanding the world that exists around us, whereas, Engineering's preoccupation is that of making useful products for the human kind. I am hoping that I will be able to tease out more on the similarities between science and engineering in the upcoming posts. 

When are we going to change the way students learn?

I distinctly remember that no one taught me to use Word/Microsoft/.... or any other documentation tool. But today, these are there in the school curriculum. That is a good thing, right? At the outset, yes - but let me also show another dimension to it, which I think is far too harmful. 

It is good because, the world has moved Digital - our children need to be able to cope up with the these aspects, which is kind of very basic skills these days. I agree to this. However, does that mean we have to ask in the question paper something of this sorts: "We use _____ to insert pictures in word document (fill in the blanks)"?? You might have used word in your career - can you guess what should come in the blank space? I wouldn't be surprised if you cannot recall that - I couldn't too, and I had to open my word document to check what it is! We have learnt to use word - which is the most important thing. Remembering that there are tabs called "illustration", "smart art" etc., and "vomitting" it in the question paper serves no help - you agree with me, right? But what does the curriculum do these days? They have successfully brought these into "books" and students have to read through the books to know how to crack the exam. Is this of any value? No, because it does not help them to use word. It is just familiarity of words which has no value. Well, I would still be okay if this does no harm to the kids. Unfortunately, such bookish knowledge of practical skills only bore the children, so much so that, they hate schooling and eventually learning at all. Is that harmful - YES! When are we going to understand how children learn and create a space for them to learn joyfully? It is only when there is a passion in doing things (here, learning), excellence begins. We aspire for a country of self-reliance - which may remain words in white papers unless the curriculum changes!!  

2021 - Looking back

It has been long due to complete the looking back blog that I usually write. Had been waiting for something to happen - but that is getting prolonged, hence decided I must finish this. :-)

The January started normally, with care and trepidation as the world was seemingly trying to get out of the covid. The campus started functioning with half the strength. By February, arrangements were made for students to come to campus. March looked nice with students in campus - regaining the lost charm - yet the fear of covid breakouts did not die down. As the number of covid cases started to rise again, the educational institutes had to go into a lockdown mode (not just educational institutes, but the whole of Tamilnadu) again by the third week of April 2021. After a turn of events in Thanjavur, we got locked up in Dindigul during the entire lock down period - until June. May was the most difficult phase - about 4 loses of near and dear ones - including a cousin, house owner couple and a close friend’s father. Devastating it was - and the entire month had such horror stories from all corners. The entire human race went through a tough phase in this second wave which occurred between April - June 2021. Amidst all these, we didn’t give up conducting exams - with the justification that only then students’ future will be secured. So, exams went on up to August 2021. After a very brief breathing time, senior semester classes and PG classes started in October and the next semester went in full swing in November to complete the syllabus. By December, all senior year students were in campus and refresher classes  conducted. The semester came to an end in Jan 2022 with exams in Feb 2022 and the subsequent semester started in March 2022. It has been a race that we have been running to catch up with the old schedule of starting the odd semester in July…looks like it will take one more year to reach that. 

On the research front, DBT is still asking for one document or the other (and as on date of writing, we haven’t received sanction yet). No communication from BIRAC as well. My research is also taking a focus on AMR with a publication with a colleague and conference presentations in Inbix and Insyb2021 - all in AMR. 

The teaching-learning newsletter continues. 

In the family front - Family becomes bigger by one with the Birth of Vitharsan to Subee in March 2021. Viyan joins Yagappa school from June. November-December - sees ancestral blessings and plans to root the family gets more concrete. Gowri starts freelancing on educational content creation. 

Personal front - A teaming up with Ruban led to a series of discussions on design thinking. It was launched in the YouTube. 

On the ThinQ front - there was a rejig of the guiding principles . It was decided to remain a low-budget financial entity with no full timers supported by ThinQ.